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sanils.rediffiland.com/
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MUSKURANE KE LIYE
Doctor: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai?
Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor: dawai khali thi kya?
Patient : Nahi doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor: Arey... mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur Maine le li thi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Patient: Oho, nahi doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya?
Patient : Nahi. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha ki nahi?
Patient: Nahi doctor saheb.
Doctor: Kyon?
Patient: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon nahi.
Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor: Tera ilaj main nahi kar sakta!
Patient: Achcha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main theek kaise hounga
Doctor : Abe teri … @#$! ^&*!........
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KILLER ENGLISH
Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "
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Class teacher once said :
" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
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once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."
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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
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teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
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"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
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My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
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"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"
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LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
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Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
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Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
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Wonderful One Minute Once a smart S/W engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our S/W engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.
Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.
Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."
PM thought that,"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"
That girl thought that,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".
Finally, do u know what our clever S/W engineer thought?
" This one minute in my life is wonderful, It hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."
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SCIENCE HAS ALL THE SOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCIENCE HAS ALL THE SOLUTIONS
Kyun chalti hain pawan,
Because of evaporation .
Kyun jhoome hain gagan,
Because of earth's rotation.
Kyun machalta hain mann,
Because of disorder in digestion.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
Kyun gum hain har disha,
Because u have poor sense of direction.
Kyun hota hain nasha,
Because of drug addiction.
Kyun aata hain mazaa,
Because u enjoy the situation.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
Kyun aati hain bahar,
Because of change in season.
Kyun hota hain karar,
Because of taking tension.
Kyun hota hain pyaar,
Because of opposite attraction.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
SCIENCE HAS ALL THE SOLUTIONS...true
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Dont miss the moral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(just for fun) Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA" and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
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just for fun
I Like This Doctor. DON'T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM! .
HEALTH - QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! . Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : "Woo Hoo, what a ride!!!"
Cheers Mates.
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